Below are the 17 most recent journal entries recorded in Erin's LiveJournal:

Sunday, November 14th, 2004
9:01 pm	My mom is nonstop on my back about the college thing. I think it's because I've changed my mind so much about what I want to do in the past year that she thinks that I can't make up my mind. I suppose it's a legitimate thought, but I think that she's just trying to talk me out of being a teacher. She's constantly telling me that she's just trying to be my "voice of reason" and that someone has to give me the bad side of it, but I think it's really just because she has society's idea that you need money to be happy. I guess it's because when I was really little, she didn't have any money, and she doesn't want me to live like that, which I understand, but I still don't like the fact that she keeps pushing jobs that she thinks I should try, when they are all "conincidentally" higher-paying jobs. GRR! She basically told me tonight that I HAD to job shadow. SHe thinks that I "haven't been exposed to enough things" and she wants me to "spend some time" experimenting with different careers. LIke an attorney (NO WAY) or a vet (alright. whatever.) i told her that I had no interest in being an attorney, and she goes "How do you know? You haven't tried it." So now, I am stuck doing this bullshit when I know what I want to do. I know that I just said that I've switched around a lot in the past year, but what I didn't say was that I've wanted to be a teacher since I was like 10. The subject has changed (kindergarten to math to drama) but it's the same field. I think that's pretty steady. It's just so frustrating. I don't want her to talk me out of doing something that will make me happy. And that's what I'm afraid is going to happen. That she'll get me to change my plans for the rest of my life (that don't even concern her, as I'm paying for my own college since she doesnt have the money) because she doesn't approve of what I want to do. It's bullshit. I hate high school. I wish that I could be in college now. Current Mood: aggravated (Comment on this)
Thursday, November 11th, 2004
4:08 pm	I stole this from Kenzie. I hope you don't mind. it was just so great... I couldn't pass it up. http://www.dailycollegian.com/vnews/display.v/ART/2003/11/21/3fbd76353e7dd Current Mood: jubilant (Comment on this)
Saturday, November 6th, 2004
11:15 pm	Why would God invent Hell? He creates these people that he supposedly loves, and yet, you only get one shot. If you mess up, you're screwed, and you pay for it for eternity. That's FOREVER. Why do it? Why would He create a place of punishment for people that he loves so much? I don't know all the answers, and I wish i did... but i suppose that for now i will just try not to think about the future and enjoy what I have going for me now. Life is fantastic right now... the only thing i have to complain about is this damned confusion, but I know it could be worse. Overall, I think that I have everything I could ask for right now, and some things that I never would have dreamed of asking for. Sometimes the surprises are the best, you know? Huh, after re-reading, this entry sounds so pessimistic. It was meant to be uplifting. Well, I feel really good. I'm excited about life in general. I suppose that I have you to thank for that. SO, thanks. Current Mood: euphoric Current Music: jessica (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Sunday, October 24th, 2004
11:40 am	I woke up this morning feeling considerably more optimistic. I stayed home by myself last night. I'm grounded... not sure exactly why... and so my mother decided that she was more comfortable with me staying home alone all night while her and the rest of the family were camping than she was with me staying at jessica's. Whatever. I don't like being by myself at night. I start hearing things that aren't there, and then i can't sleep. I made Jessica talk to me until one in the morning, when we both (I think) went to bed. I love that girl. I talked to Kenzie for a while, too. I'm gonna be so sad when she goes to college. SEMO is so far away! I finally fell asleep at around 2, listening to dashboard, only to be woken up at 230 by my own coughing. I was too scared to go take some cough medicine, though, so I just put up with it until I fell back asleep. Anyway, I woke up this morning, and I feel a lot better. I'm still confused... but that's life, I think. Everyone is confused about something, and it helps to know I'm not the only one. Okay, I'm off to work. Woot. Current Mood: giggly Current Music: humming the theme song from Sesame Street to myself (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Saturday, October 23rd, 2004
9:19 pm	Damnit. I hate this. You think that you have everything figured out, and then something happens, and all of a sudden, you're worse off than when you started. I, along with my big mouth, ruined what should have been a great moment on Wednesday. It WAS a great moment, until I ruined it. I'm sorry. I just can't seem to figure anything out. And I know that now I've got you questioning too. Forgive me. Current Mood: confused Current Music: jessica, working on the homework I should be doing (Comment on this)
Friday, September 24th, 2004
10:16 pm	At work today, it occurred to me that a LOT of things bother me. Things people do. I have decided that today, my entry shall be dedicated to these aggravations. 1. Cashiering on the express lane. I have to be doing something, and when I'm on the express lane, there's never anything to do, as very few people ever come through with 6 items or less. Who picked that number, anyway? Why not 10 or 15? 2. People who go through the express lane with WAY over 6 items. Now, if you have like 10 or 15 or something, no big deal, I don't care. But to all of you who chose to ignore the 6 items or less sign and go through anyway: you suck. This drives me crazy. Inevitably, as soon as one of these people come up to the express lane, about 10 other people walk up behind them. Then, good, rule-following Target customers have to wait in line for that much longer because of the asshole in front of them who can't read. 3. The 60-second timer on all checkouts. At Target, you have 60 seconds to check out each customer. Your computer records every transaction's time, and tells you if you made it with either a huge R (red, for over 60 seconds) or a huge G (green, for 60 or less). I hate this system. It makes me nervous, and then they actually use those numbers to tell if we're checking people out fast enough. GRRR. 4. People who mess up my 60 second time limit. This includes people who wait until I'm done ringing up their 100 items before they ask to borrow my pen so they can write a check. This includes old women (yes, sexist, I know) who feel the need to not only give me exact change, but to take it out of their purse one coin at a time. This is especially obnoxious if they need like 97 cents or something. This includes people who want to pay with like 8 different methods of payment. (gift card, cash, and THEN credit card is a very popular one). You get the point, I'm sure. 5. People who give me a huge bill to pay for a not so huge purchase. One woman gave me a hundred dollar bill to pay for a purchase of like $2.87. I'm surprised that I don't have to check that it's not counterfeit. 6. People who give me not so huge bills to pay for a huge purchase. I had someone give me $23 in 1's. 1 dollar bills. That's all I can think of. I feel so much better now. Ah, well. I'm off to bed. Garage sale-ing with Jessica in the morning. YAY! Current Mood: annoyed Current Music: "Anthem Of Our Dying Day"--in my head... for the past week (Comment on this)
Tuesday, September 7th, 2004
6:52 pm	So, today was pretty cool. Play practice started today, which makes me happy. I'm done with most of my homework, which also makes me happy. Tomorrow is going to be so busy. I'm leaving straight from school to DuBray, my middle school, to volunteer with a "former teacher" for CSLP. I have to be back at North at 230 for rehersal, which goes until 415, and I have to be at work by 430. I'm going to be a bit pressed for time. There's gonna be hell to pay if I get stuck behind any old people on the road. Today was depressing. I don't know why, exactly, since it wasn't a bad day, but by sixth hour, I had to continually tell myself, "Rehersal starts today, be happy." It was weird. I'm better now, though. I really need to type my creative writing project. I'm done with it, I think. I wish that I could think of someone else to write about, but I have 5 women, and I think that I'm gonna take one of them out, cuz it doesn't really fit the theme. Oh, well, I have four that I think are pretty good, plus a closing poem. We shall see what happens. Current Mood: mellow Current Music: Brandon singing (Comment on this)
6:46 pm	Your Love Life by lpfloatsmyboat Name/username/nickname: favorite color: best physical quaility: lips best personality trait: outgoing will you marry your bf/gf that you have now? yes! when will you get married? August 19, 2014 your kiss is: mixed messages People date you because: you're cute Quiz created with MemeGen! Okay, guys! Make sure to leave Aug. 19, 2014 open, because you're all invited! Current Mood: bouncy Current Music: Jessica, and my little brother's video games (Comment on this)
Saturday, September 4th, 2004
7:00 pm	Well, today I bought my first ever piece of furniture! After Kenni's football game this morning, I went to a garage sale up the street from my house with Jessica. I bought a bookcase for $5! I was very, very excited. Jessica's going to help me paint it white so that it matches my room (right now, it's wood-patterned, but it doesn't match the color of the rest of my room), and she said she'd help me move around my furniture (I have to re-arrange my entire room to get it to fit)it's going to be great fun! Current Mood: ecstatic Current Music: none (1 Comment |Comment on this)
6:35 pm	"How are you doing today?" the words I find myself saying over and over again at work. Yet, I have realized something. I DON'T CARE. I really don't care how that person/ those people are doing. I ask them because it is expected of me, not because I want to know. I first realized this when someone actually said that they were doing badly. I thought, that's not how this works. I say, "how are you?" even though i don't care, and you say, "I'm fine thanks, how are you?" even if you're not, and I say, "I'm doing really well, thanks" even though I am working and this is very obviously a very big lie. This person obviously didn't know the rules. Ah, speaking of people who don't know the rules, the other day, I was working, and it was about 8 or 9 o'clock, and we were pretty busy, I had about 80 million people in my lane. This woman walks up behind my lane, and says, "excuse me, ma'am?" so I, thinking that she has to ask me a target-related question, turn around. She says, "I know you're busy, and I'm sorry to bother you, but I sell mary kay, and I would love to have you come model for me." at this point she hands me her card, and has also done a VERY nice job of making me feel pretty. So, of course, she couldn't stop there. "We're going to take before and after pictures, and you would just be perfect." So, there it was. She didn't want me to model my natural beauty, she wanted to show me what mary kay could do for me. How pretty it could make me look. The bitch. I threw her card away as soon as I left that night. After re-reading my entry, I realize that I sound like a very heartless, self-centered person. Ah, well. Such is life. We all need our times to vent, and I thank you all for listening to my rantings. :) Current Mood: amused (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, August 24th, 2004
8:45 pm	I go in for a hug, scared to hurt her, but I am surprised by the strength in her arms. As I step back, I take a good look at her. She is the same person that I remember. She is still tall, though maybe a few pounds skinnier than when I last saw her. She is still fair, but not sickly, as I first thought. As my eyes reach her face, I see her smile, so undeniably Sally. I think back, and am unable to remember a time that she didn't have that smile on her face. That smile that is never fake, always from the heart. That smile is never without the twinkle in her eyes, and it reaches to her soul. The only thing different about her is the hat. I've never seen her in a hat before, and my heart sheds tears for her as I think about why she's wearing it. As my little sister begs her to take off her hat, my Aunt Sally only laughs and says, "Let's go inside first." As she removes her hat to show my little sister her head, bare because of the chemotherapy, I am struck by her beauty. It is not only superficial beauty, but beauty that is borne of strength and kindness, and beauty that only those who love and are loved deeply can truly radiate. Current Mood: creative Current Music: Jessica rationalizing procrastination (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Saturday, August 21st, 2004
7:42 pm	Well, after reading some of my friend's entries about their deep thoughts and views on life, my simple entries about my day seem superfluous. Oh, well. I will write one anyway, and maybe with enough typing, something fabulous will come to me. Hmm, for some reason, I'm feeling like using my expanded vocabulary today. I think I will. Last night, Chris, Karen, Jessica, and McKenzie came over for a couple of hours to watch movies. We decided instead to make one, but we never got around to that either. Chris and Karen came first, and I'm kindof glad that Jess wasn't there. Not that I don't love my Jessica, but because it gave me some time to just hang out with Chris and Karen, which isn't something I ever do without her. I don't know why. I love them both. They're certainly on my list of people to get closer to. Jessica came around 930, and McKenzie showed up at about 10, and we came up with this GREAT plot for a movie. By we, I mean that it was Chris' idea, and we all added things to and expanded on it. I don't know if we will ever actually do anything with it, I hope we do, as it was such a great idea (yay, Christopher!), but even if we don't, the planning was so fun. They left at around 1130, and I'm so glad that we all got together. Today was very relaxing. I laid in bed for about an hour after I got up, just thinking. It was great. I never get to do that, due to the enormous amount of people that occupy my house. I had to go pick up my little sister from the football game she was cheering at this morning. She cheers for the team though the city. After I took her home, I ate some soup for lunch and then bummed around the house for a bit, until I had to go pick up my little brothers (Adam and Henry, if you are wondering which ones) from a birthday party at great skate. On the way there, I stopped at the library to drop off my overdue books and pay a fine, and on the way home I used my mom's debit card to fill my gas tank. After I got home, I played my guitar for a while, and then got on the computer only to be kicked off by my little sister. Around that time, I started to feel like a real bitch, and decided that I needed to go to my room so that I didn't do anything mean. My mom told me that I could go to the library and do homework if I wanted (I had asked about it earlier), and so I did, only to find that it closed at 600, which was 5 minutes after I got there. I left, and headed to the Saint Charles Coffee House to have some "me" time. I was so proud of myself, as I didn't call anyone to see if they wanted to meet me. (I HATE doing things by myself). So, I sat up there for an hour and did my math homework and started my anatomy homework. Now, I am home. I very much enjoyed my time to myself. I never get that, I'm always with someone. Not that I don't love hanging out with my friends, but it was nice just to not have anyone there. Plus, my bitchy mood is gone now, and I'm back to my bubbly, smiley self. Well, I'm going to eat dinner now, so I will talk to you again soon. ~hugs and kisses~ Current Mood: jubilant Current Music: the radio upstairs, the station is "101.1 the river" (Comment on this)
Wednesday, August 11th, 2004
11:04 pm	It really IS a small world after all.... Okay, so my mom went to Mexico this weekend. David (her live-in boyfriend of 3 years-ish) proposed on the plane on the way down there. I've known about it for like 8 and a half years. (Okay, so it's been like 6 months.) I did so good. I even found out her RING SIZE without arousing suspicion! *pats self on back* So, I was talking about how they got engaged this weekend in the drama room today at the freshman transition day, and it turns out that my friend Whitney was THERE! ON THE SAME PLANE WITH THEM! Isn't that weird? They stayed at the same hotel and everything, they even left on the same day!! I told my mom about it, and she said that she saw Whitney, and thought she looked familiar, but couldn't figure out where she knew her from. I thought that was very bizarre, and had to share it with everyone. So, now I have. I'm going to bed now, I think. Goodnight. Current Mood: shocked Current Music: Me, humming "This Love" by Maroon 5 (1 Comment |Comment on this)
4:49 pm	I was thinking today about all of the friends I have left behind. I mean, there are some friendships that cannot survive. You are too young to understand that friendships need work. Like Erin Taylor, the girl I was best friends with in kindergarten. I moved, and I haven't talked to her since. In the 3rd grade, I was best friends with a girl named Amber. She moved, and I haven't talked to her since. But, in the 4th, 5th, and 6th grades, I was best friends with a girl named Jessica Sayers. Jessica moved in the 5th grade, and we didn't talk as much, but she didn't move FAR, so we still talked on the phone a lot and spent the night at each other's houses and such. After the 6th grade, I moved to Tennessee, and I didn't really talk to her at all. Strangely enough, when I moved back here, I quit talking to her altogether. Now, why? WOuldn't you think that we would have talked more? Now, when I moved back in the 7th grade I did that with all of my other friends too. I mean, I didn't really know what to say to them, I guess. We had all changed so much. Over the years, the girl that I have stayed friends with through it all is Tiffany. I've been friends with her since the 6th grade, and she still is one of my best. But we are so different. She's into the parties and the drinking, when I would rather stay at home than even go to a party where there would be drinking. I honestly don't know how we've stayed friends this long, and she drives me crazy sometimes, but I love her to death. Odd, isn't it? Sarah Mantia from freshman year is so much like me (i.e., loud and obnoxious), but we barely talk anymore. I couldn't tell you when the last time I hung out with her outside of school was. And, freshman year, I made so many new friends, but I seem to have left them all behind me in my eagerness to be accepted by the drama kids. And, what would I do without Jessica? We clicked right away, and now I can't remember life without her. I regret the fact that after freshman year I didn't really talk to any of the friends I had made, but if I had spent all of my time with them, I wouldn't have gotten the chance to get to know Jessica, Sam, Chris, Laura, Molly, and all of the other drama kids that I have come to love so much. But does that mean that I needed to completely leave them out of my plans? NO. So, why did I do it? Why did I need to spend every waking moment with these new friends? Was it because they were new, and I wanted more time to get to know them? No, because now, a year later, I still find myself including them in all my plans. Lately, I have been calling my friends from last year and trying desperately to get together with them. I'm surprised that most of them are willing to talk to me at all. I don't know how receptive I would be if our positions were reversed. I guess that I really have a lot of great friends. So, I will end my entry with this: Friendships are just like any other relationship that you have. They need work. If you truly want to be friends with someone, you have to spend time with them. It doesn't take a friend to call you on a Friday night when they're bored. It takes a friend to call you on a Wednesday afternoon and say, "Hey, I'm working at 5, but I haven't done anything with you in a while, and I really wanted to see you. Wanna go get coffee?" So, ladies and gentlemen, that's what I think friendship is. Making the effort. Going the extra mile. Doing whatever it takes. Thank you, and good night. Current Mood: lonely (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Saturday, August 7th, 2004
8:14 pm	So, I wrote this yesterday, and didn't get a chance to finish it. so, pretend it's yesterday. Ahhh... Friday. Today, I went to the mentor training session at school. It was really cool, and I am really looking forward to meeting my freshmen. I hope that they are as excited about it as I am. I also hope that they like me. I've discovered recently that, although I love babies and little kids, they don't like me as much as I like them. I realize that 14 year olds are different from little kids, but I've also realized that although I think that most people I meet dont DISlike me, they don't really LIKE me either. I think it takes a person with my same personality (Jessica, Chris, Sam, Laura, Molly, and drama kids in general) to be friends with me. A lot of it has to do with the fact that I don't care what people think about me... most of the time anyway. Since I dont care, I do a lot of stupid crap, which some people interpret at immaturity and childish-ness. And maybe it is. So, my grandma came into town today with my cousins Jamie, 19, Tommy, 4, and Emily, 2. After the young'ns went to bed, Jamie and I went to go buy my brother a birthday present, since his birthday is tommorrow (the 7th). So, we did that, and then we went to Applebee's and had an appetizer. It was fun. I got to spend some time with Jamie, who I haven't seen in like a million years. (okay, so it's been like 1 and a half.) Eh, anyway. I'm going to bed. I have orientation at work tomorrow. ***THE NEXT DAY*** (okay, stop pretending it's yesterday now.) Okay, so I had my orientation this morning. I got there 15 minutes early, but then had to drive ALL THE WAY BACK HOME because I forgot my birth certificate. GRR. It was not very awesome. So, then I ended up about 3 minutes late. Not that it mattered, since the lady didn't come out and start it until 1020. So, that was fun. I found out that I know one of the girls that I'm working with, only she's on sales floor, not a cashier, so I won't work WITH her, but it's nice to know SOMEONE. I got my schedule. I'm training on Monday and Tuesday of this week from 330-630. And I'm working the following Sunday and I think Thursday. I'm not sure of the times. After that, I had to drive home and stop on the way to get lunch, and I had to change so that we could go to six flags. On the way out of the driveway, we discovered that my grandmother hadnt gotten directions off of the internet. (She really, honestly expected me to know how to get there. Why, I don't know. I tried to explain to her that I didn't even know how to get to school until like the 7th grade.) So, I was elected to go in and get those, and when we got there it was SO crowded, so we only stayed for like 2 hours. We left, and got dinner, and then I came home and got on the computer! Well, after I called Jessica to talk to her. But she's working, so I talked to her mom for like 5 minutes. The weird part was that it wasn't weird. It was really comfortable. creepy. not jessica's mom. jessica, i love your mom! Alright... so I'm going to remove my foot from my mouth now and STOP typing. Alright, bye. Current Mood: artistic Current Music: Jamie on her cell phone, Brandon yelling at his video game (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Saturday, July 31st, 2004
4:52 pm	Well, It is almost 5:00 pm on Saturday, and I feel like I have just lost the past 2 days. Thursday, I went to Kirksville with Jessica, Chris, and Jessica's mom to see the JBA student showcase. We stopped to talk to an admissions counselor, and we walked around the campus for several hours. Jessica and Chris taught me the dance they made up for the Relay For Life, which was last night, on the campus, with lots of people watching. It was great. I love that we can do that, and none of us feel stupid. Okay, so sometimes we do, but it doesn't bother us, we keep doing it. So, the showcase was awesome! ("That's fine, just don't cry over the sidewalk!") Well, most of the scenes were really good, and the ones that weren't were mostly cuz I didn't like the piece, not because I didn't like the people. So, I spent the night at Jessica's on Thursday night, and we didn't even get home until 230 in the morning, since it's a 3 hour drive home. When we got back to her house, it was raining, and we decided to go play in the rain. That lasted like 5 seconds, since Jessica has very few good puddles by her house, and the only ones that were good were all muddy, which made them bad. We didn't go to bed until 430. I bummed around the house for most of the day yesterday, at about 330 I took a shower and started getting ready to go to the relay for life. It started at 7pm and ended at 7 this morning. So, I was up all night, and I walked around the track at school nonstop (well, almost nonstop. There was a brief moment that we collapsed in the middle of the track.) from about 3 or 330 ish this morning until about 630. Plus, before that, we were all jumping around and dancing and singing, and just generally being stupid. We won the award for Most Spirited Team. And we WILL win it again next year. We will. But it took us like 45 minutes to pack up all of our crap. I think next year we bring only the necesities (spelling?): boom box, CDs, small blanket and jacket per person, maybe 5 or 6 folding chairs (definately not 9), and that should prolly be it. oh, i might take my geetar, since that would be fun, i think. Well, I'm gonna go... I'm hungry. Bye bye! Current Mood: giggly Current Music: the music of the keyboard as I type (Comment on this)
Sunday, July 25th, 2004
9:23 pm	Hola, everyone. I am excited about my new journal. See, I have friends that use this one. So, now I am cool. Er than i was before. So, today is Sunday. On Wednesday, I went to the Warped Tour. It was tre, tre cool. And on Thursday I talked to people about jobs and set up interviews. On Friday, I went to 3 interviews and got my yellow chucks. On yesterday, I went to Jim's grad party. That was fun. And on today, I went to target to get my drug test so that I could start working, only you don't take the test there. You take it at a medical building, so I had to drive around and find that place, and then I got there, and they were closed, since it's Sunday. So now, I have to go back tomorrow and take it, because you have to take the test within 24 hours, otherwise i won't get hired. So that's my story. Well, I suppose that I have written enough for today. I will talk to you all later! Adios! Current Mood: tired Current Music: None (2 Comments |Comment on this)